Saturday, December 9, 2017

Random Sunday morning musing!

Have you ever met two people in love who absolutely had no problems ever? Have you met two people in love who is happy 24/7? I haven't either.

Are we really in love? Why is he very short tempered? Is she ignoring the shit out of me? Is she even worth all the effort? Why is he making me cry?

Those aren't the questions you ask yourself. Instead, I would ask myself these questions.

Is that person the first one who comes to my mind when I want to share butter buns from the nearest bakery?

Is that person my home? The kind of person who doesn't yell at me but rather gives me a tight hug when I say, I screwed up.

Is that person my rock? The one who would always chase me like I am the only woman in this world. Who'd never give up on me no matter how difficult I'd become when I argue.

Is that person worth every tear shed? The one that would make me go to places we used to go, looking for the air that he breathed?

Is that person someone who makes me forget what anxiety feels like? The one who doesn't give me the overrated butterflies in my stomach feeling every single time but calms my entire body and mind with just a non-sexual touch.

Yes. Falling in love is easy. It's slightly harder to stay in love. What's even more harder is constantly trying to make that person feel on top of the world.

Don't allow any external forces control you. Don't let anyone influence your decisions. Don't give a shit about what others have to say about him/her. Fu*k em' all. Don't force yourself to fit into the mould that the society approves. When it comes to love, don't aspire to meet the benchmarks that have already been written. Set your own❤️

Monday, December 4, 2017

Lunchbox food packed at home is not just food...

I am learning to appreciate anything and everything I come across lately. Of late, I feel the need to appreciate every little thing in my life (I am proud that I am developing some good habits finally). So today, I wanted to write a blog on the “lunchbox” that I carry to the office every day. You might probably think that I am absolutely jobless and I’m probably getting paid for writing blogs about trivial things during office hours. Well, yeah, maybe I am jobless (I hope my boss doesn’t see this) But I don’t think what I am going to talk about now is a trivial topic. NO. It is not. Let me tell you why.  

Well..My mum is an AWESOME cook. I have a bunch of friends who are still friends with me only for her food. I am not even kidding. I remember one incident vividly. One of my friends came to my house out of the blue, she entered the kitchen, took a plate, put every dish that was on the almirah on the plate all by herself and started eating. She managed to wave me a ‘Hi’ just for the courtesy. I was glad that she acknowledged my presence though. So yeah, everybody in my circle loves her cooking. This is why I find it difficult to adjust with food wherever I go. I am used to always eating tasty, yummy food ever since I was small. Therefore, I find it really difficult to eat a badly made sambar, rasam, chicken curry or anything for that matter. Now, if someone gives me tasteless sambar or vathakozhambu rice, I cringe.

When I was in school, my mum used to pack me lunch every day. I used to be a very difficult person when I was a kid (I still am I guess? :P) I remember plotting every dustbin near my school so that I can drop the remaining food inside the dustbin. Most of the days, I forget to throw the food and go back home with uneaten lunchboxes. When asked about the food, I used to say “I thought I was supposed to have French toast on Mondays and not the boring lemon rice!” Then, one day I surprisingly ended up liking the food from my classmate’s tiffin box. I begged my mum to prepare the same food. So she somehow got in touch with my classmates’ mum and asked her the recipe and cooked the same food (SIGH, the amount of effort she puts in making me eat). I only took a bite of it, complained that the food was radically different from the one I ate from my classmate’s tiffin box (Yeah, I was such a pain the wrong place). This is how I used to be. I was a bad eater. I still am. I am so bloody choosy when it comes to food and I am definitely not proud about it. I can go days without eating. I am a kind of a person who would rather stay hungry than eating the food that I do not like. I, of course, ended up in ulcer few years back (however, I partially recovered now, thanks to my mum and MOP’s food).

Now that I look back, I feel terrible for making my mum suffer a lot. I feel tremendous regret over what I had done in the past and for all the tantrums I threw as a kid. I am 22 years now. Only now, I realized that my mum basically hates cooking. I still wonder how could somebody hate something yet be ridiculously good at it. She cooks very slowly. She needs minimum of two hours to cook a complete meal (I am not even exaggerating). Nevertheless, she cooks yummy food. I now realize how difficult it is for my mum to get me and my brother out the door by 9AM. We always end up yelling her before we get out the door (usually me) for making us wait a little longer for packing the lunchbox. Imaging packing lunch for a person like me. Just knowing that she will have to open it at some point in the evening and face its horror would make her want to cry. And yes, she knows that cafeteria food is an option for me, but she also knows that a super-picky eater like me would do even worse with cafeteria food. Therefore, of late she packs something for me every day.

In order to pack food, she has to wake up early every single day. She has to start cooking a couple of hours before we leave coz my mum’s cooking speed is very low. In the meantime, she gotta prepare morning chai and breakfast for all of us. Sigh! This is definitely not easy! And I feel extremely terrible for all the food I have wasted in my entire life. Because I know that most of the days she should have been shocked by how little was eaten, and the explosive mess that ensued in my meagre attempts to eat. The simple act of taking lunch out of the backpack, placing it on the almirah, and starting to unzip the thing takes courage. Coz the left out food in the tiffin box is not just food. It is hours and hours of effort, sacrifice, love, care, and patience. Every time I look at the lunchbox now, I thank the almighty for giving me food, a wonderful mother and a beautiful family. I know a lot people are struggling without all of these things! 

Ma, I promise, I will never underestimate the relentless effort you put into everything you do for us. Hereafter, I will not waste the food cooked by you. I will not shout at you for making me wait in the morning. I will not hurt you. Also, thank you for being the most amazing mother. I am just extremely lucky to have you in my life. You are a super woman and if I ever have kids, I will love them like how you love us. Thank you for sacrificing everything to make us lead a comfortable and a happy life. We are forever indebted to you. THANK YOU. I hope when I become a mother, I'm at least half the amazing woman you are!

So, to all the moms out there who pack lunch for your kids every day, fist pump to you. Oh, and LOVE and HUGS too. In bulk. <3